Truth And Turning 30
God brought a lot of things to a head this week and helped me identify lies that I had been believing. Through the classes this week and spending time seeking Him, I found answers.
The lies I had been believing were these: I'm not valuable. I need to get it right all the time. How did these lies play out? I tried to do all the right things so that I would have intimacy with God and other people. But simply checking off a checklist and doing "all the right" things didn't get me the intimacy I so desired. The best times that I had with Jesus happened when I was the most real, open, and vulnerable. Many times it wasn't when I was doing some spiritual activity, but in the normal flow of life He would come in and show me more of Himself. Sometimes it was when I was least put together that I felt like His presence was the strongest. This revelation hurt. I realized that for so long I've been striving to get it right so that I could have intimacy, never realizing that intimacy isn't a reward for performance but a gift freely given. Mind blown.
The lie that I'm not valuable was a crack I wasn't expecting to find in my foundation. In a talk with my mentor and a staff member they asked me why I justified everyone when telling stories. I asked God why I justified everyone but me when telling stories. Because you don't believe you're valuable. Ouch! That one hit hard. I believed that everyone else, their voice, their wisdom, their gifting, their life was more valuable than me. It hit me that it's not that any one of us is more valuable, but many times we don't choose to honor the value God has placed in us. This is a truth that I'm only now beginning to unpack and understand. But I want to grow into seeing myself and others the way that the Lord sees me.
On a very happy note, yesterday I turned 30! Wow was it a great day. My roommate Kat and Marisa decorated my room, gave me the sweetest gifts, and spoiled me rotten. Everyone kept making me feel so loved by wishing me a happy birthday and encouraging me. I also got some great time celebrating with Jesus. He has seen me through so much and I'm so grateful I got to enjoy Him for the day.
Learning, Rose
A note about Marisa
This is my friend Marisa. When I came here we became friends so quickly. Sometimes I wondered why. In some ways we are so different. But the more I get to know her, the more I love her.
She challenges me to grow closer to Jesus.
She makes me laugh.
She champions me.
She is hungry for Jesus and is chasing Him.
She includes those who feel lonely.
She cares deeply for others.
She wants the best for others.
She listens to the Spirit and follows Him.
She reminds me of who I am.
She is a true friend.
She was the answer God sent to my heart cry.
I can't express how much I love her and how grateful I am for her.
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